Dog Desk Animal Action CIC

No One Ever Told Me That Grief Felt So Like Fear

C.S Lewis

MARAS, TURKIYE – FEBRUARY 10: Broken roads after earthquake on February 10, 2023 in Maras, Türkiye on February 6, an earthquake with a magnitude of 7.8 struck in the Pazarcık district of Kahramanmaraş at 04:17; also at 13.24, two earthquakes with a magnitude of 7.6 struck in the district of Elbistan. (Photo by Eren Aka /dia images via Getty Images)

That first day began as any other. Checking my phone for text messages that came while I was sleeping. Updates on happenings overnight. Emergencies, dogs at threat of being put to sleep, dogs struggling to survive on the streets, other orgs reaching out for support & more mundane requests for a restock of mange treatment or bandages.

My blood ran cold when I saw that an earthquake of significant magnitude had hit Turkey. While quakes are common in Turkey nothing of that ferocity had occurred during our time working in the country & I was worried. We often experience small quakes, the dogs are used to them & they are so small aside from the alarm barking the dogs seem to do prior to them coming they go as soon as they arrive. Nilufer is well versed in quake protocol & has a policy in place should she ever need to act.

Dale was up & about before me & had already spoken to Nilufer. Our dogs were safe & so was she. The quake was some 15hrs drive away at the other end of the country. I could breathe again. My mind drifted for a second & I wondered if an earthquake would ever dare to come between Nilufer & our dogs. Nilufer loves them all with a passion I have never seen. They truly are her children, her life & she dedicates every waking hour to them. I imagined Nilufer standing at the shelter gate like Moses parting the red sea, forbidding the approaching earthquake entry to the safety of the shelter complex. Pushing back the earthquakes parting of the earth with herculean strength. Or, rising from the rubble & debris of a destroyed building, hand reaching for the skies as she rises triumphantly, cheating death like a marvel superhero protecting her flock from the marching enemy.

Back to reality. If our dogs were fine, whose dogs were not?

Nilufer texted a comprehensive list of shelters in the quake zone that were okay & others that had been hit badly. Turks had been furiously channeling information to each other since the early hours of the morning. All was chaos but already the kindness in human nature was rallying, ready to mobilise to assist wherever & however they could.

My relief turned to fear again when I realised that our friend Ibrahim was only 20 miles from the quake epicentre. Ibrahim has no shelter, no clinic, nothing anywhere close to the set up which has been provided for the dogs in Lapseki. He feeds 300 dogs every other day with food donations from supporters & whatever he can find to keep the dogs hunger at bay.

We tried to contact him but nothing. It would be several days before we knew that he was even alive.

MALATYA, TURKIYE – FEBRUARY 10: Search and rescue team from China on February 10, 2023 in Malatya, Türkiye. On February 6, an earthquake with a magnitude of 7.8 struck in the Pazarcık district of Kahramanmaraş at 04:17; also at 13.24, two earthquakes with a magnitude of 7.6 struck in the district of Elbistan. (Photo by Hakan Akgun /dia images via Getty Images)

The images began to arrive. Buildings fallen like stickle bricks, concrete, metal, fabric, signs of this tangled mess once being a family home. Pictures where parts of people were clearly visible. Obviously dead. The image of a father & son lying face down, clinging to each other with a huge slab of concrete across their heads will haunt me forever.

Frantic texts back & forth, people were missing. Lots of people were missing. Help had not arrived. The injured were trapped in the rubble slowly suffocating or dying from their injuries. There was no electricity, no food or water. No internet. My mind raced back to Ibrahim. Perhaps that was why we could not locate him. It wasn’t long before we discovered that 23 of our dear friends were trapped. Volkan added 3 vets to that number. Although the vets were not known to us the concern Volkan had for his colleagues resonated & added to the fear inside me that was getting larger with each passing hour.

MALATYA, TURKIYE – FEBRUARY 10: Search and rescue team from China on February 10, 2023 in Malatya, Türkiye. On February 6, an earthquake with a magnitude of 7.8 struck in the Pazarcık district of Kahramanmaraş at 04:17; also at 13.24, two earthquakes with a magnitude of 7.6 struck in the district of Elbistan. (Photo by Hakan Akgun /dia images via Getty Images)

Some comfort arrived when Ibrahim made contact with our translator. The internet had been down. His news was grim, he looked like a ghost. Ashen faced with sunken eyes & a voice that was much quieter than normal, breaking in places as he paused to gather composure. They were living on the streets with the dogs. Not all of the buildings had collapsed but those that were still standing had large cracks in their elevations & were subsiding. Some creaked & groaned. It was clear that being inside them was not safe. So a huge bonfire was lit to keep everyone warm. Stray dogs & humans gathered around it to be warmed by it’s glow. Humans were now living the life that every stray dog in Turkey lives every day. Side by side facing an uncertain future, living on their wits for survival, together.

I have many images of these days which we have chosen not to share at this point. It is likely that we will share these very personal records some time in the future. But, now isn’t the right time. They are testimony to personal suffering. They all relate to people lost forever in moments of huge anguish. While this loss is so raw we have agreed to respect the dead & their families & give them space to grieve. The images we have used in this blog illustrate the greater suffering of a country & do not focus on individual circumstances. I have personally found it very difficult to cope with the images of the dead & dying on social media just knowing that people I care about very much are in similar situations. While social media is a wonderful tool it isn’t always used wisely in my opinion & I have no problem saying that the sharing of some images did nothing but escalate my fear. Many of them had no context & some were even faked or from a different disaster in a different country. It really vexes me when influential accounts post material that is erroneous or has no calls to action. It is a dangerous occupation that spreads disinformation and wastes precious time. It helps nobody & gets in the way.

I limped through those days with little sleep until help began to arrive. First to the worst hit & larger areas. Ever so slowly edging out to the small towns & villages & more remote areas. It takes a while to co-ordinate rescue missions I guess & for the greater part Turks helped Turks. Our mayor was allocated 2 zones & loaded up trucks with supplies & volunteers. Hot food was cooked in marquees in the street. Blankets, tents, water, clothes, warm coats & hygiene products were sent. Hotels & other large buildings threw their doors open to the homeless who could get to them. So many moments of unadulterated assistance between fellow countrymen. It reminded me that while I see the very worst of a nation regularly through my work there is so much good & so very many kind people, their numbers swamp the monsters that haunt my dreams after a day at the coalface.

HATAY, TURKEY – FEBRUARY 10: Tent cities were established for earthquake victims on February 10, 2023 in Hatay, Turkey. On February 6, an earthquake with a magnitude of 7.8 struck in the Pazarcık district of Kahramanmaraş at 04:17; also at 13.24, two earthquakes with a magnitude of 7.6 struck in the district of Elbistan. (Photo by Cemal Yurttas /dia images via Getty Images)

Cities of tents began to pop up to shelter people from the weather. As I write Ibrahim is yet to receive one but he doesn’t complain. He keeps himself busy feeding his dogs with food sent by supporters of his work. As I blog he has received only 3 bags of aid. I am told that distribution has been a problem. We sent our food aid straight to rescuers so that the dogs got what they needed & fast.

For some time it wasn’t clear which rescuers were dead. It wasn’t clear if people remained in their feeding areas. As you can imagine everything was chaos. Dogs were without their people in the streets as their families lay trapped in buildings. I worried about these dogs a lot & still do. The people who feed them know which dogs are strays, which dogs live in commercial yards & will recognise a family pet. Rescuers can very quickly take control of a situation like that & ensure that an orphaned dog is taken care of & doesn’t end up struggling to survive on their own.

Ibrahim showed a heart breaking picture of cats just sitting in the ruins of their family home. Their family had been killed. Bodies removed the cats just stayed waiting. Waiting for them to come back. Rescuers know these cats & attempted to make arrangements for family in a different part of the country to step up. Without that knowledge those cats would have added to the stray cat community & been forced to survive on their own.

Most of our friends were rescued & taken to hospital. They are either recovered or are recovering. But not all of then made it. That was a very hard day made slightly more bearable by seeing Ibrahim tuck puppies up in blankets in the street. A small act of kindness in a moment of unbearable suffering that somehow made things more tolerable.

MALATYA, TURKIYE – FEBRUARY 10: Mass cemetery in Malatya city cemetery on February 10, 2023 in Malatya, Türkiye. On February 6, an earthquake with a magnitude of 7.8 struck in the Pazarcık district of Kahramanmaraş at 04:17; also at 13.24, two earthquakes with a magnitude of 7.6 struck in the district of Elbistan. (Photo by Hakan Akgun /dia images via Getty Images)

With so many dead in a time of national emergency the dignity we imagine afforded to people is not always possible. I saw an image of a family of four, mum & dad & two children cloaked in shrouds being loaded on to the back of a ute. No floral tribute laden hearse & funeral procession. No ambulance & stretcher bearing paramedics. No funeral parlour staff. People do whatever they have to do to get the dead moved as quickly as possible to their final resting place. Their families sit & say goodbye while they process the unexpected loss & grapple with their grief, sometimes at mass burial sites such as this. Looking down at tent city where the living wait patiently for their lives to begin again, giving thanks for being spared.

DIYARBAKIR, TURKIYE – FEBRUARY 11: Mother dog and her two puppies are rescued from under the rubble after 124 hours of 7.7 and 7.6 magnitude earthquakes hit multiple provinces of Turkiye including Diyarbakir, Turkiye on February 11, 2023. A pheasant was also rescued along with the dogs. Early Monday morning, a strong 7.7 earthquake, centered in the Pazarcik district, jolted Kahramanmaras and strongly shook several provinces, including Gaziantep, Sanliurfa, Diyarbakir, Adana, Adiyaman, Malatya, Osmaniye, Hatay, and Kilis. Later, at 13.24 p.m. (1024GMT), a 7.6 magnitude quake centered in Kahramanmaras’ Elbistan district struck the region. Turkiye declared 7 days of national mourning after deadly earthquakes in southern provinces. (Photo by Aydin Arik/Anadolu Agency via Getty Images)

Search & rescue teams from all over the world have pitched in & saved so many lives, human & non human. I have some strong views on dogs being used in dangerous situations but do respect why they are there & do not wish to force my views on others. My voice is just one in millions of others. There is no doubt that many lives would have been lost if it were not for the deployment of these dogs & their extraordinary noses & ability to learn how to get the job done.

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Rescuers extract a dog named Pamuk from the rubbles of a collapsed building in Hatay on February 9, 2023, three days after a massive earthquake. – The death toll from the massive earthquake in Turkey and Syria kept on climbing February 9, 2023, topping 21,000 as the first UN aid reached Syrian rebel-held zones but hopes of finding more survivors faded. (Photo by Gurkan OZTURK / AFP) (Photo by GURKAN OZTURK/AFP via Getty Images)

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HATAY, TURKIYE – FEBRUARY 08: A dog is reescued 55 hours after 7.7 and 7.6 magnitude the earthquakes hit Hatay, Turkiye on February 07, 2023. Early Monday morning, a strong 7.7 earthquake, centered in the Pazarcik district, jolted Kahramanmaras and strongly shook several provinces, including Gaziantep, Kahramanmaras, Diyarbakir, Adana, Adiyaman, Malatya, Osmaniye, Hatay, and Kilis. Later, at 13.24 p.m. (1024GMT), a 7.6 magnitude quake centered in Kahramanmaras’ Elbistan district struck the region. Turkiye declared 7 days of national mourning after deadly earthquakes in southern provinces. (Photo by Oguz Yeter/Anadolu Agency via Getty Images)

Deprem bölgesinde arama kurtarma çalışmaları yaparken yaşamını yitiren Proteo için Meksika'da tören düzenlendi:

"Gidişin için çok üzgünüm sevgili dostum. Öbür dünyada kim varsa, şimdi onlar için koş ve onları kurtar"#dimaria #tahaduymaz #yuzyuzeegitim #porteo #Mexico #Turkey pic.twitter.com/FA1Cbj3HAj

— MSAU 🇹🇷 (@msaustudio) February 17, 2023

More than 40,000 people have lost their lives in Turkey & Syria as a result of the quake. Dog Desk Animal Action has never been so close to a disaster of this magnitude. To know the people affected so closely, to have them as colleagues, to lose them has been unbearable. It has galvanised our relationship with a country that we are honoured to serve. We are so grateful to have been accepted in to communities not just as guests but in many cases friends & in some family.

We continue our work supporting those that need us. We will be right beside a country that is broken & grieving such devastating loss. We will never forget you, we will never leave you.